It’s been a while since I’ve written a story on here, and it seems like it’s about time I did that. I started to write a really depressing set of haikus last night, but I’ve decided to channel it into something a little more uplifting instead.

Let me preface this by saying that I have never known what I wanted in a relationship, and even once I think I’ve pinpointed it, my interests change, and it is no longer what I want. That is still the case, but I figured, Hey, why not give a snapshot of what I want right now?

Here goes…

The alarm goes off, and I groan and reach to turn it off. Groggily pressing the button, I feel something warm and firm behind me. My breath catches; who or what is in my bed?!

And then I remember, and a grin crosses my face: it’s him.

Unfazed by the alarm, he lies there, his dark brown hair mussed by the night’s repose, but it looks adorable that way. As peaceful as he looks, I almost hate to disturb him, but I can’t imagine not disturbing him.

With 15 minutes until the next alarm, I roll over, smile, and gently rub my thumb over his forehead. He stirs—little more than a surprised sigh—and opens his eyes, brown and sleepy but full of love. He gazes back at me with the same surprised happiness I felt on feeling him behind me.

There’s no need to say anything this morning; I have the herd to tend to and then work to go to, and he’ll have to get up to start getting things done around the house. But that’s 14 minutes from now. Right now, I scoot up close to him and put my fingers against his nicely defined chest, graze my fingers down his rippling abs, smile as I reach his navel,  and then wrap my arms around his shoulders. We put our foreheads together, closing our eyes again and enjoying the closeness.

The damn alarm goes off again, startling both of us awake this time; we’d dozed off again. I roll over to turn it off again, then look back at him wistfully. He gives a wan smile, but we know what we’ve got to do.

Up I get and get my warm clothes on. It’s cold outside, and I bundle up to brace against the cold and wind.

The herd is happy to see me—they always are when it’s time for food—and I get them fed, break the thin layer of ice in their water, and come back to check on them. They’ve finished eating and are ready to be petted. Ebony’s doing her usual standoffish frigid mare thing, but I get her to give me a hug at least. The donkeys need no persuasion, and Casper nearly runs me over getting me to scratch his chest while Ivory leans in, her lips wiggling in ecstasy as I scratch her neck.

But time’s arrow neither stands still nor reverses; it merely marches forward.* I tell the donkeys they’re spoiled and tell them and Ebony I love ’em and will see them this evening, then step back inside, glad to be out of the cold.

He meets me at the door, puts his hands on my shoulders, and kisses me. We both smile, sighing once again in pleasure at our proximity. He’s gotten himself dressed while I was out—pity!—but he doesn’t miss the opportunity to grab and caress as my coveralls come off so I can get dressed for work. I laugh and tell him it’s not nice to tease me before I leave. He pouts playfully, then grins and lets me get dressed in peace.

He put coffee on while I was out, too. The smell is wonderful as he hands me a cup to help warm up from the winter’s chill. He pours himself a cup, and we toast to a good day and drink in the warm, hazelnut-infused flavor. I sigh wistfully, thinking how it’s a crime that I have to go to work today, that I can’t spend it cuddled up with him.

There was more to this story, but given I know some of my readers personally, I wasn’t ready to be that vulnerable. It’s one thing to write a story about characters who don’t exist; it’s another to write about your own inner thoughts. I think this is a turning point for the blog; I can’t write just anything anymore.

C’est la vie, as they say.

*I love BoJack Horseman, and this quote from BoJack’s maternal grandfather, Joseph Sugarman, is the cherry on top of an already amazing show. The line and its repeated delivery throughout Season 4 are both insightful and poignant at the same time.