Okay, it’s been four days, and I still can’t think straight. I have a little PTO left, so I took today off. But I didn’t rest.

My alarm went off as usual, and I began researching everything I could about M. I learned M was for his last name, “Montesquieu,” and that he had received a large inheritance from his father, an oil baron. Unlike many spoiled descendants of rich parents, M had enlisted in the military to do his part for the country and had then gone to school to learn how to manage his fortune and had done very well for himself, investing in start-ups like Microsoft, Apple, Google, Facebook, Tesla, and Amazon, as well as hundreds of other companies in oil, tech, medicine, infrastructure, utilities, and consumer products. He’d weathered the storms of 2007 and 2011 very well, and after volunteering some of his copious free time at Habitat for Humanity and local soup kitchens, he realized his true calling. With just dividends from his investments providing nearly a million dollars of income every year, M decided to go into philanthropy. While he himself gave away vast sums of his fortune every year, his position was that the rich shouldn’t be the only ones to feel the joy of helping others, and so he set up numerous charitable foundations that middle- and even lower-class workers could contribute to or help with.

But while M did most of the work to get the charities set up and running, he handed off control to someone else before anyone could associate him with it. This was true of all of his organizations, except one.

M Charity Leather was the only one of M’s charities that had any part of his name in it, and it was the only one that he himself ran, and he never introduced himself by his full name. Thanks to a fierce aversion to cameras and his ability to silently slip away from his charities unnoticed, he was free to pursue his passion in Leather freely, so long as he went by M.

I gotta say, I’m really impressed with him. I mean, he’s my kind of hero: the type who deliberately hides from the limelight yet is single-handedly responsible for so much right.

His Leather exploits weren’t so grand, though. He’s pretty new to being a Dominant, and he’s only had a few scenes with the locals, all of which went well, but the biggest complaint was that he spent too much time making sure his submissive was okay and not enough time being bossy. Still, it seems like he’s gotten better, and his most recent scene went really well by all accounts. He exemplifies what some would call a “service Dom,” which certainly matches his activities outside of Leather.

So, I’m kinda stuck. I’m fighting for a reason to say no. I hate my job and I’d love to be taken care of like that, to disappear into a life of sexual servitude, but it just seems too good to be true. Plus, I fought hard for my independence. I got through college a year and a half early so that my parents wouldn’t have to pay for me anymore, and with the responsibility of taking care of myself, I finally got to make my own decisions! Do I really want to give all that up again?

M mentioned the loneliness, but the great thing about that is that it’s a little twinge that goes away after a while. If I end up his slave, won’t I be stuck that way forever? That’s no little twinge!

But the twinges are getting closer together and lasting longer. That’s why I was at the bar in the first place…I’m sure that was what made me agree to do the photo shoot and all the other stuff…

This was supposed to be easier than this. There was supposed to be that glaring problem with him that would make this an easy decision. But I can’t find any reason to tell him no! Is it possible that this could actually be as good as it sounds? As far as I can tell, he’s a model citizen, philanthropist, and genuinely a nice guy.

Well, I’ve got another week to puzzle it out. For now, I gotta get some sleep. Maybe I can finally catch up this weekend after sleeping so badly this week…