So I know it’s been a while since I’ve written.  Oh, I posted a story today; it’s been a while since I did that, too.  It’s technically stand-alone, but I’m thinking of tying it in with Shane and Colton.  Could make for a very interesting case.  Anyway, I’ve been a slacker this week, I know.  Been tired when I got home and just wanted to sit and watch stupid stuff on YouTube.  Also been chatting with folks on Grindr; it’s a way to meet people, and out this far, meeting people is good.

I woke up Saturday—can’t remember why specifically now—and checked my phone and was immediately pissed off; the project manager I work with who infuriates me sent an email out around 5:45 in the morning on Saturday about an issue one of our customers is having with a build we released.  I replied back, and we went back and forth a bit before I finally asked if this was something that needed to be done over the weekend.

I got to thinking about it, and I realized something: there is no requirement where I work that I have my work email on my phone, and multiple times last week I woke up to be immediately pissed off by work emails (mostly from this particular individual).  I had a sudden epiphany: just take work email off your phone!  It was a brilliant idea, and it has been so nice this week not waking up to being immediately pissed off.  Admittedly, I am going to have to work on my attitude.  I don’t know what to do specifically, but I have got to get to the point where everything this guy says doesn’t instantly set my hackles on edge.  But for now, waking up and not having to look at emails is really nice.

Another thing occurred to me about the same time: the concept of emergencies.  There’ll be a blog post on this shortly.  Stay tuned.

In other news, the grass seed is spread, and we’ve had two days of nice, slow rain (hate driving in it, but it’s great for the grass), but still no seedlings.  Hurry up, guys; I hate looking at yellow grass.  It makes sad.  Let my hay guy know I’m gonna need a bale this weekend, so at least the animals will be well-fed.

Not much else going on.  Don’t think I’m gonna be able to pay off the truck with the extra paycheck this month, though.  Rats.  Ah, well…it’ll come one day…

Sweet sleep: let it come
Resting blissful in my bed
I wish for wet dreams.

People are fickle.
And I, too, am much the same.
I cannot blame them.

Furries are so cute.
Innocent, cute, and carefree.
I wish it was real.

O black foot-warmers,
Why must you bunch in my boots?
Time for new, I guess.

Haikus are so great.
Anything you want to write,
Just follow the rules.

And thus the love ends.
So sweet, so tender its youth.
Snuffed out, still a child.

I want to feel love,
Set my world aside for him,
But he exists not.

Melancholy me:
This is not my normal self.
But tomorrow, sun.

Haikus are succinct,
Piercing, insightful, and short;
They open my mind.

See?  My spirits rise.
Screw the fantasy of love.
Erotica reigns.

For many years now, I’ve held the firm belief that the two most important things for any relationship are honesty and communication.  Without honesty, communication is worthless, and communication is how you work through relational issues.

And I’m not limiting “relationship” to the love of a person and his/her spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend.  It applies to all relationships, no matter how casual or formal.  It applies to parents and children, friends, and siblings, to employers and employees, to customers and vendors.

Of course, everything should be handled in moderation.  “Honesty” doesn’t mean you tell your darkest secrets to some poor cashier who’s just trying to get you to pay for the soda you bought at the convenience store, and it doesn’t mean that you accost some poor person and say, “You, sir, have the hugest nose I’ve ever seen, and you smell like a dead rat.”  Tact is a thing, too, you know.

Likewise, “communication” doesn’t mean that you hound somebody night and day because he/she didn’t get around to replying to that text you sent at 3:00 AM or begin telling your life story to some poor person who accidentally made eye contact with you in the coffee shop.

Then what do these mean?

Honesty means, when someone asks if you’re okay, telling him/her honestly.  Some of us have a lot of empathy and can tell, and you saying, “I’m fine” when you’re not is really frustrating to us.  Understand that if someone asks, it’s probably because that person cares.  Feel cared-for and be honest.

Communication means, if you think somebody’s blowing you off, call him/her (nicely) on it.  I thought a guy was blowing me off today, and I asked him, “Did I lose you?”  Turns out he just checked my message right as he was getting in the car and forgot to reply.

Honesty and communication means gently letting people know when they’ve upset you when it is really something they’ve done (and not just your own personal hang-up) and then being willing to discuss it to get it resolved peacefully.  The opposite is letting things bottle up until you’re so mad that you lash out at them or give yourself an ulcer.

Just imagine how much better we’d all feel if we were honest with each other and communicated what we really meant.

I occasionally have mental arguments with myself.  Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose.  I know, I know, how can you lose an argument with yourself?  What I mean is, I usually take a stance and then play devil’s advocate.  If I convince myself from my initial stance, then I’ve lost the argument—but I’ve ended up wiser for it.

I was having one such mental argument with myself on the way to karaoke last night.  I took the initial stance that it is silly to take pride in one’s sexuality.  After all, I don’t think most straight people celebrate being straight.  I don’t celebrate being bisexual; it just is what it is; it’s how I am, like my skin color or which set of genitals I have.

But the devil’s advocate in me said that people take pride in things they’re born with all the time: I take pride in being smart.  Some take pride in athletic prowess or their ability to be friends with anybody.  And so, my claim that people don’t take pride in things they were born with was incorrect.

I think what it really comes down to for me is this: while sexuality and gender can be a facet of one’s identity, I would hope that people don’t define themselves solely by their sexuality or gender.  There are so many ways to describe oneself.  Note my use of the word “describe”: all of these attributes describe a person but don’t define it.  A diamond may be the hardest of materials, clear, thermally conductive, and expensive and sparkly when cut correctly, but none of those attributes really define a diamond, do they?  Hell, even the very definition of “diamond” doesn’t cover it:

a precious stone consisting of a clear and typically colorless 
crystalline form of pure carbon, the hardest naturally occurring 
substance.

The dictionary definition does a pretty good job, I’ll grant.  But it doesn’t capture everything that is a diamond.

And so someone who says, “I’m gay” or “I’m pan” or “I’m transgendered” and leaves it at that is really selling himself or herself really short.

On a related note, I was pondering the concept of a “pride parade.”  I have been to the one in Dallas a couple of times and was even in it representing this group or that.  In hindsight, I went to represent the group and because I thought it would be fun.  I don’t know that I “take pride” in being “non-straight.”  I went back to the definition:

a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own 
achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely 
associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.

I didn’t achieve anything by being bi.  It just is what it is.  Those around me didn’t achieve being gay, either.  Now, some of them may have discovered they were gay, just as I discovered I was bi, but I don’t know that I consider that an “achievement,” per se.  And given being gay is still persecuted, sternly looked down upon, or barely tolerated in many parts of the world, I wouldn’t say that being gay is a “quality that is widely admired.”  So what, then, are we celebrating at a pride parade?

I think it comes down to this: we’re celebrating the fact that we can be open about our sexuality without fear of being arrested and with (at least some) confidence that were we to be harmed for being gay, the law would be on our side.  I think that’s really what it comes down to: there were times when being gay was grounds for being sentenced to death, being fired, being exiled, or being brutalized while bystanders looked on and did nothing.  While “non-straightness” still has its legal and social challenges both in the US and outside it, we’ve made a lot of progress here, and to me, yes, that is cause for celebration and pride.  I may not have directly achieved the freedom to do that, but my association with others who are non-straight who did achieve it gives me that vicarious sense of pride described in the definition.  So okay, viewed in that light, it makes sense to me.

Glad I got that figured out; it’s been bugging me since yesterday!

Whew, what a day! After a couple of hours of karaoke last night, I suddenly realized I was wiped out and decided to call it an early night. By early, I mean 23:00. As I was dozing off last night, I promised myself I wouldn’t get up at 7 this morning and even turned off my alarm. I figured I’d get up, spread the seed and fertilizer at a leisurely pace, and then do my typical weekend chores (clean out the black tank, clean the camper, and do laundry). Well, I lied.

Admittedly, it wasn’t 7:00, but 7:30 feels close enough that I kinda chided myself for getting up so early. But the same thing happened this morning that happens most mornings: I wake up, think about just how much I need to get done, and then decide that if I don’t get started right away, I won’t be able to finish. On the plus side, I do usually finish the tasks I set for myself, but on the other hand, waking up in not-quite-panic-but-close mode is kinda frustrating.

Anyway, it’s been an incredibly busy but productive day. I got 1400 pounds of grass seed and fertilizer spread, got the animals’ water cleaned out and refilled (no freezing weather again for several days–yay!), got the spreader properly greased so that maybe the flow control lever won’t be completely stuck next time, got the black tank and the camper cleaned, and now I’m waiting on the laundry to finish in the washer. If all goes well, I might be done by 14:00. Then I want to do some more writing. Got another fun scene written last night, and I’m hoping that I might be able to finally finish the “short” story that’s now at almost 15k words.

For now, I think I’m gonna rest my eyes. Sun feels good shining in through the windows, and the breeze is nice, so it seems like a good time for it.

Whoo, boy, it’s been a busy day.  Stayed out late last night at the local bar chatting with some nice local folks and drinking entirely too much.  Sure was fun, though!  Alarm went off at 7:00, and I forgot that this is Saturday, so my back-up alarms don’t go off.  Woke up at 8:00 thinking, aww, crap.  Got the herd fed and then started making trips to the co-op.  Got 1550 pounds of fertilizer and 400 pounds of grass seed, which took three trips to get home.

As I was taking the first load home, my former roommate messaged me wanting to do breakfast, so after picking up the third load, I headed down to meet him and his boyfriend.  It was good to catch up.  They’re hilarious together, and although I’ve said it before (maybe even on here), I really wish the very best for them for many, many years.  They’re both awesome people.

So, finished lunch and then headed home.  Got the last of the fertilizer unloaded and started to start doing my main task for the weekend when I got sidetracked getting the spreader hooked up, greased, and ready for tomorrow.  We’re still getting little gusts today, and I don’t want to screw up spreading; grass seed and fertilizer are stupidly expensive, and I don’t want to waste them.

Anyway, I finally made it around to my main task for the weekend: getting the southern tent taken down and putting cinder blocks around the southern auto-waterer to hopefully keep the animals from damaging it (and as an added benefit, adding some insulation, too).  I got all that done, got the broken materials thrown away, took some stuff to storage, and I’m finally sitting down to my computer today.  Whoo, I’m beat!

But no rest for the wicked, as they say.  Tonight is karaoke at the same bar from last night (I hope I don’t become an alcoholic living out here with a bar so close and full of nice people…), and I’m gonna go again.  I went last time, and it was kinda fun.  I might sing something tonight, but I dunno.  Might just let others do it.

I haven’t made any progress on the Shane and Colton short story in the last few days.  I need to get my rear in gear and get back to it, but Thursday was a late night at work, yesterday was a late night at the bar, and today was just crazy-busy.  Tomorrow promises to be busy, too, between spreading the seed and fertilizer and doing my typical weekend chores.  Was thinking about making chili this weekend, too.  Dunno about that; it depends on how worn-out I am tomorrow and how motivated I still am to do it.  There’ll be other weekends for it.

Gotta run.  I want to get a little done on Shane and Colton before it’s time to get cleaned up and off to karaoke.